Irrevocable (Fated series (can be read as a standalone) Book 3) Read online

  ‘Jesus H Christ,’ left his mouth.

  His obvious enjoyment fed my enthusiasm, I only wished I could watch his face as I made the control freak fall apart. I just couldn’t get enough of him. I started to speed up my movements, trying to take notice of every hiss and gasp that left his lips. When his hips started to flex up to me, I knew he was only minutes away from emptying his ejaculation into my mouth. My core clenched tight at the thought and I had to force myself not to remove a hand from him to rub over my already swollen clit.

  ‘Jasmin, I’m going to come… JESUS!’

  I felt his fingers weave into my loose hair and I swirled my tongue over his glans, over and over again. His hips flexed on instinct as he ejaculated hard and fast into my mouth. With satisfaction, I felt it run down the back of my throat.

  ‘FUCK.’

  John’s hand relaxed in my hair and his hips ceased to flex. I released him from my mouth, placed an elbow onto the mattress to one side of him and looked up to take in the man who I had just brought to orgasm. His breathing was still ragged and his hair had fallen messily over his face, but it was the love and trust in his eyes that I found most visually appealing. I hoped that by allowing me control over him and accepting that sometimes he needed to be the centre of attention, he would somehow see that he needed to let me all the way in to his heart. It was the one place I craved to be, I wanted to be absolutely and completely his.

  John swept his hair away from his face and bestowed a slow, lazy smile on me. His hands came down and he pulled me up his body until we were face to face.

  ‘Ready for round two, Mrs. Edwards?’ In one quick movement, I was rolled underneath him. His lips and teeth homed straight in on the lobe of my ear and the small dip immediately below it.

  ‘But what about brunch and the sightseeing?’ I almost laughed as I said it. His head lifted and his eyebrow raised in fake amusement.

  ‘Your choice, either I fuck you, or we can eat and go sightsee?’

  ‘Mmmm, let me think.’ John moved quickly. Grabbing my wrists and holding them over my head, he ran his hands lightly over my torso and I started to laugh. I laughed because I was happy, I laughed because the bugger was tickling my ribs, but most of all I laughed cathartically as I felt another weight lift away from us.

  ‘Let me think? That’s it, Jasmin, you get no more of me until I think you deserve me.’

  My hands were released and John leapt out of bed, disappearing once again into the shower. He turned on the water and I lay on the bed already regretting my joke. The sound of John singing in the shower filtered through to me, and a huge smile broke across my face as I pulled the sheet over me and hugged myself with the realisation that I had made him happy.

  The moment we left the beautiful building that was our hotel, John’s large hand found my much smaller one and he linked his fingers in between mine. It was surprisingly comfortable to be strolling along with my fingers inter-spaced between his much larger ones. I held on to his bare forearm with my other hand and let myself be led along bustling streets and through the smaller cobbled alleyways that seemed to appear from nowhere. The city felt warm and relaxed.

  We had decided on no agenda for today, to just take Rome as it presented itself, and I was awestruck. My dad had always taught us that wherever we were, we should always look up. He was adamant that many people strolled around the world’s most beautiful places either staring at their media devices or at their own feet and they missed half the things in front of their eyes. Grasping tightly hold of John, I followed where he led, stopping occasionally to turn a full 360º to take in all the sights around us. With every look at the architecture I took in the sight of the stunning man stood next to me as he watched me, in my flat sandals he simply towered over me. I also caught the admiring glances of the many Italian ladies as they took in his splendour. He was dressed in black chino shorts with an aqua-blue linen shirt that matched his eyes. With black leather sliders on his feet he looked casual and comfortable in his own skin, which was a first.

  I loved the wide open main streets as we made our way towards the Pantheon, but equally loved the small, secluded, covered areas as we silently explored together. The wide streets were bustling with people and it made John behave. The quieter, narrower alleyways however, seemed to ramp up his possessive behaviour towards me as he began to punish my teasing behaviour of earlier. I had lost count of the amount of times he had found small niches along the way and manoeuvred me into one, where he would kiss me breathless and then stare into my eyes. In one slightly deeper recess he had feasted on my neck and then lifted the skirt of my short, pale cream, cotton sundress up and dipped a finger inside me, just to check his administrations were having the desired effect. The fact he had almost made me come on the spot, with other tourists just yards away had elicited a deep growl from his mouth. I couldn’t believe that he had me almost pleading with him to finish me off, that was as shocking as the feelings he continued to tear from my body. My eyes had opened wide as I silently implored him to make me his in that small space that would forever be imprinted upon my heart. He just gave me one of his deep smiles that revealed his dimple and the crease above his eye. His hand had found its way to my neck and he led me back to join the hustle and bustle just a few feet away. I was surprised that no one stared more intently at me. It seemed to me that it must have been evident, with my flushed cheeks and dilated pupils, that I was fast becoming a woman in a very high state of arousal. As we walked I fumbled around in my small bag for my sunglasses and placed them over my eyes to create a barrier.

  ‘With every sound you make, Sugar, I can tell how the blood is coursing through your system. Your heart is pounding; I can feel it through the artery beneath my thumb. Your body hides nothing from me. Maybe if you’re good you might deserve something more when we get home later.’ He ended his whisper with a gentle lick up the shell of my ear that sent shivers down my spine. ‘The sunglasses hide nothing from me.’

  ‘Maybe I’ll just find somewhere to sort myself out if you’re not careful.’ I pulled gently away from the guitar-playing, calloused thumb and finger that were gently rubbing in circles on my neck and turned to face him. As I walked backwards I placed one of my hands over his heart, the other grabbed at the blue linen in front of me. I pulled his mouth down towards me fast. I watched as his mouth came crashing down to mine and we stood blocking everyone’s path. No one moaned, they simply carried on their own business as we cemented our connection. As our kiss ended, John swept my hair away from my eyes and gently turned me around in front of him. I took in the stunning view of the Piazza Della Rotonda and ahead of it the magnificent sight of the Pantheon.

  Our slow leisurely walk was fast becoming one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life.

  I had sat for about an hour on the steps of the small fountain with its obelisk behind me and I had tried hard to capture the amazing sight in front of us. The old, odd-shaped houses, shops and cafes in the Piazza itself were coloured in sandstone oranges, pale lemon and dirty Mediterranean creams. It took me many attempts to get the shading correct, to give the chipped brickwork life and the blown plaster work the precise shading it required. The piazza had seen decades of life pass by and that in turn had created what was now left behind, its testament to the many people that had been before us. John sat silently beside me watching me immerse myself in my safe world. He left for a short while to look at the few shops around us. I didn’t know exactly how long he was gone, I was so immersed in my sketching. The feeling of being complete washed over me, as from the corner of my eye I watched him lower himself backwards to sit down next to me once again. He passed over a small white paper bag and looking inside I saw a few soft pastels. He had known what I needed to finish my sketch and had chosen the exact shades that would bring it to life. I mouthed a quick thank you to him, placed a kiss to my index finger and pressed it firmly to his closed lips, allowing myself to run the same finger over his stubble as my finger retreated. He smiled bac
k at me, watching the shudder that ran through me at our connection. He never once questioned how long we were there for, nor did he sigh or moan. He very simply just waited for me to finish, my heart swelled with gratitude and the love that wanted to burst from me for this patient man.

  Instead, I pursed my lips tight and guarded my heart.

  The sun began to go down behind the huge domed roof of the Pantheon, causing the light to change as I finished my sketch. I started to place my pencils and used pastels back in their tin and John sat up quickly, his eyes running over the top of my picture and then back to The Pantheon. I allowed him the time to take in my sketch.

  ‘You’re very talented, Jasmin.’ I flapped the front cover up and over my newest creation.

  ‘It’s not something I usually share. I wanted to go to art school years ago, but it wasn’t to be.’ I saw him question my answer.

  ‘Why?’ The cold feeling of dread ran down my spine, sinking her claws into the warm fuzzy glow I’d had only a few seconds before and tearing it up in front of my eyes.

  ‘Just life… I suppose.’

  ‘Then I appreciate it even more, Jasmin. I want us to be able to share anything and everything. I’ve seen first-hand what secrets can do to relationships… Come on let’s have a look inside the Pantheon and then we need to go, we have a dinner date and I don’t want us to miss our table.’ Relief flooded through me at his understanding.

  ‘Do I need to change?’

  I felt the blood rush to the surface of my skin as John pulled me up from the step and slowly began his perusal of my dress. It was as though he was admiring my naked body and once again a blush consumed my face as he twirled me around as if we were dancing.

  ‘We’re both a bit creased, but we’ll do.’

  ‘Really?’ I said with amusement. ‘You don’t want a suit?’ I added in a teasing tone.

  ‘I don’t feel the need for a suit and I feel comfortable enough with you to not wear one…Does that make you happy?’

  I pushed up on my tip-toes and into his hard body and placed my lips to his, giving him a quick peck. ‘It makes me SO happy. I like who you are, John, you never need to hide from me.’

  He placed his hand to my neck, finger and thumb in position to gently caress me as he steered me through the still busy streets and Piazzas.

  ‘You like my control, Jasmin?’ he teased.

  ‘I think you know I do… well most of the time.’ I heard him stifle a small laugh.

  ‘Yes, I agree I do know… Do you like that I’m completely devoid of any feelings for anyone else, apart from my love for you?’

  I didn’t answer immediately as we continued to walk on. I ran the words he had chosen to use through my head and mulled the question over and over. His thumb and finger momentarily stopped as he waited for me to answer.

  ‘I think your life experience has made you that way. You ask if I like it? Well that answer would be no, but I think I can understand how sometimes people can be so hurt in life that they shut themselves down, to gain back control over it. What hurt you so badly, John?’

  Our feet didn’t falter as we continued to walk towards the restaurant he was confidently steering me in the direction of.

  ‘My father,’ finally came the answer.

  I placed my arm around his waist and pulled him closer to me, hopefully offering my comfort and solidarity with that one small movement.

  ‘I don’t want to go into too many details as this is our honeymoon.’

  ‘Tell me?’ I implored him as we walked on.

  My arm around him moved with his deep inhale and then shook slightly as he emotionally shuddered when he released his breath out into the warm Rome air.

  ‘My father fought with my mama for custody of me, finally winning and tearing me away from her. I was the only thing she had in her life. Illness had wreaked havoc on her body and she hadn’t danced since I was a toddler, it had been her greatest joy. We had little money, surviving on his maintenance payments. He didn’t want me, not really, but he didn’t want her to have me… so he took me from her, just because he could. She died three weeks later, I hadn’t even known how ill she was.’

  ‘Oh, John. I’m so sorry.’

  ‘He told me she had cancer, when I was taken to his study the moment I arrived at his house. He hadn’t flown over to get me, he hadn’t even met me at the airport, but had instead employed a chaperone to pick me up, like I was just another possession he owned. As a young boy, I often thought back to my mama, there had been little signs of how unwell she was, but I hadn’t read the signs. I often thought that if I hadn’t left, then maybe… just maybe she would have had something to live for, but with me gone she just gave up. I bet you wished you hadn’t asked?’

  ‘I will never regret asking you to open up to me, John. I regret the hurt the small boy inside of you suffered at the hands of your father, but that’s all. I can sort of understand how you might feel that you can’t read people, as a small child though what was there you could have done about it, really? You were helpless to stop it; you were at the mercy of a destructive, indiscriminate illness and an adult that didn’t care. How could he cause so much hurt to you and her, when he didn’t even really want you?’

  ‘My father is a winner, at least that’s how he sees himself. If he wants it, he works tirelessly to get it, or bends whatever rules stand in his way… My mama was young when she became pregnant, he couldn’t possibly marry her, she wasn’t from the right stock.’ John’s grip on my neck increased slightly at his words and then released at the realisation his hand was on my neck.

  ‘Sorry,’ he offered, as his fingers relaxed once again.

  We had made it to the Corso Vittorio Emanuele, a main street that ran almost east to west across the city. The change in noise and atmosphere broke me out of the trance-like state I had been in. I realised that while he had been talking I had no longer been looking up but concentrating on just making my feet move, as I took in all of what he had been saying.

  ‘He and his wife couldn’t seem to have children and he needed a son and heir. He hated the fact that I looked like my mama, my gypsy blood is strong in my veins and it showed in the colour of my skin, just as you noticed before. He was a member of the English upper classes and I, his only child, didn’t look anything like he wanted me to. A couple of years after I arrived my step-mother became pregnant. So, he didn’t need me anymore. He could have left me with my mama, after all.’

  I pulled John around to me the minute we had crossed the busy thoroughfare and literally jumped into his arms. I was bursting to tell him I loved him, but I knew that right at this minute it would seem like pity, so it wasn’t appropriate. Instead, I squeezed his hard body to me, trying to make him understand.

  ‘Thank you for sharing that with me. I’m so sorry that I’m never going to meet your mama. I know she must have been an amazing woman, because she created an amazing man.’

  ‘I’m sorry too, Jasmin. She would have loved that the woman I love, wears her rings.’

  I jumped down from his embrace and ran my fingers over our wedding bands, the sense of joy rising within me was hard to contain.

  ‘Your mama’s rings?’ I questioned, wanting to hear him say it again.

  I was wearing his mama’s rings, not his previous wife’s

  ‘Yes, she left them to me, it was all she had to leave. They were her mother’s, from her mother and father’s marriage, which lasted over forty years. She always hoped I would meet someone, someone I would want to share them with. She was extremely knowledgeable. She told me to open myself up to feeling vulnerable, basically I now know she meant open yourself up to love. I’ve never opened myself up before, but you gave me the strength to do it.’

  ‘I love you, John Edwards. Thank you for sharing that with me. Thank you for opening up to me. I am honoured to be wearing your mama’s rings. I need to own them for more than forty years, though.’ I gave him a small but hesitant smile through a few tears that were now maki
ng their way down over my still flushed cheeks to my jaw bone.

  John bent his knees to make our faces level with each other’s. I could see his eyes were also glistening with unshed tears. He cupped my face with his large hands and used his thumbs to wipe my tears away.

  ‘Thank you, Jasmin, for accepting me.’

  He began to propel us forward once again towards our meal. Silence at his sharing was wrapped around us.

  ‘So, do you like my OCD?’ He said it with so much amusement in his voice that we both started to laugh.

  ‘Mmmm, I’m not too sure about that. Does it come with an off switch?’ I moved slightly ahead of him as he began to chase after me.

  ‘Oh, hahaha. You’ll regret that, Mrs. Edwards.’

  ‘I do hope so, Mr. Edwards.’ I gave him a quick wink as his hand slapped my bottom with a quick flick of his wrist.

  It was only 9am and the heat trapped in the stone wall of our terrace was penetrating my bare skin as I hung over the wall. I was looking for John. His routine was that he would run for at least an hour, around the city, before we had breakfast together. The heat of the day made it too hot to run at any other time. I just couldn’t believe how much I missed him in that hour.

  We had already been in Rome for three nights and now had only two nights left. I was in love; with the place, the atmosphere and most of all my husband. I would have gladly stayed here forever in the little slice of heaven we had created, but like John I wanted to go and support Nathan in his bike race in just under a week, and equally my poor sister as she watched it. I just wasn’t quite sure that I wanted to share our love with anyone just yet, selfish as that seemed.