Irrevocable (Fated series (can be read as a standalone) Book 3) Read online

  I finished up and leant my head back, rinsing away the conditioner from my hair. If these were our final hours together I wanted John to always remember me at my best. Without stepping out from the large cubicle I rubbed some strawberry body lotion all over my body and placing one hand outside the warm cubicle I grabbed a bathrobe from just outside.

  I felt him near me? But he hadn’t yet returned. God knows what was keeping him?

  Although I didn’t want my fairy tale to end I knew that I wanted the bastards off the ship and away from my family, I also hoped Bella’s torment would be over soon. I stepped out of the shower.

  John, much to my surprise, was in the bathroom sitting on the floor. His knees were bent up, encased by his long arms and his fingers were gripped together supporting the position. His eyes were already searching for mine, to make a connection. His beautiful smile lit up his features, showing me the crease above his eyebrow, as it cocked up, and his deep dimple. As always, I had to stop myself from swooning at the sight.

  ‘God, what are you doing in here? I didn’t hear you come in.’

  I thought I felt you near me, but I didn’t hear you.

  ‘Your parents left our cabin, I’ve been in here ten minutes. I don’t know why, but I just wanted to watch you as you showered.’ He stood up and pulled me into his arms. ‘You smell so sweet, Sugar.’

  His head dipped down and he began placing tiny butterfly kisses to my neck and the small amount of bare skin at the top of my shoulders. My taut nipples were, as always, demanding his attention, and my core clenched involuntarily. I held him to me as my body pleaded with his to take me. His kisses slowed, and finally he stopped. I reluctantly felt him moving his hold on me and grasping hold of the lapels on the bathrobe, he pulled me as close to him as possible. He bent his knees so he could put his forehead to mine.

  ‘I want to stay here with you, Jasmin, but I have a job to do.’

  Cold feelings of anguish ran up and down my body at that last statement. So, this was it, the very thing I had been dreading for the last couple of hours.

  I can do this, without making myself look like a bloody fool.

  He continued, ‘The evidence is clear, we have them. They’re so fucking stupid; they were inebriated with all the alcohol they’d consumed when they disclosed exactly what they’re doing on board. It’s all the proof we need. We’ve already met with the security department on the ship and they have contacted the Carabinieri. They’ll be boarding once we’re fully docked. Jack is going to come off with me and the team. Obviously, they’ll need all our evidence. I just wanted to see you before we go.’

  ‘It’s been great,’ I forced out with a smile, moving my head away from his as I smiled into his expressionless face.

  ‘It’s been more than great… it’s been fantastic being with you… I…’

  I placed a fingertip to his lips.

  ‘Sssshhhhh.’

  Reluctantly, I released him and started to pull away from his touch. My heart was demanding that I return to him immediately, but my head refused, knowing I couldn’t tolerate his touch again without falling to my knees and begging him to stay. I forced myself to turn around. I took off the towel I had wrapped around my head and dropped it to the floor, beginning in earnest to primp at my hair in the mirror. I watched the man behind me as he started to tense every muscle he had and, if possible, he stood even taller.

  ‘This isn’t over, Jasmin. I will be back. We’re married, remember?’

  I refused to meet his eyes in the mirror and began to pull down the shutters that had enclosed my heart for years.

  ‘Let’s not make this something it’s not, John.’

  I saw the very moment he accepted my words, his hands clenched into fists and he matched my shutters with his reflex façade. His eyes flickered shut and then reopened, showing his anger but also his tolerance.

  ‘Thank you, Jasmin.’

  ‘Thank you, John. You’ve possibly saved our lives.’

  What I wanted to say was “you’ve taken my heart, please don’t leave me,” but I reminded myself that I was never begging anyone for anything ever again.

  He turned on his heel and left the bathroom.

  The door closed with an almost inaudible click.

  Gripping hold of the small chair next to the vanity unit I slowly lowered myself shakily to the floor. I took in a deep breath and held it just so I could listen to the man in the cabin as he moved around, opening and shutting doors as he packed up his clothes. I knew he would put on a suit and some very stupid part of me wanted to, just once more, see him in all his finery, but I knew I couldn’t. The closed bathroom door was like an incredible force field that I couldn’t or wouldn’t allow myself to cross. The door in between us represented more than the wooden obstruction it was, it represented real life. In real life, we weren’t really together. Bile began to rise into the back of my mouth and I slammed a hand to my chest as my heart started to race in panic.

  I heard as the outer door slammed shut behind him. Yet again another person didn’t choose me when push came to shove, and walked out of my life. Pain overwhelmed me and I fell to the side forcing my sobs into the already sodden towel that I had dropped there earlier.

  It took me nearly an hour to pull myself together. It had taken me most of that time to summon up the courage to walk back into the bedroom, I was so scared of taking in the room we had been so happy in only a few hours before. I managed to find clothes without taking too much notice of what was missing from the room. It was obvious his cases were gone from the corner, along with his battered guitar case. However, by not opening his side of the wardrobe, I was refusing to acknowledge the fact he had removed every part of himself from me.

  My eyes quickly darted around the tidy room, and in my fury I let rip. Like a mad woman, I opened every drawer and sprinkled my clothes around. I stepped up onto the bed and jumped up and down a few times, making sure the burgundy and cream damask coverings were untidy when I finally jumped down. Feeling my bare feet on the carpet I placed my arms around myself and squeezed. The feeling of being completely overwhelmed by my emotions began to take a hold of me and hurt crept its way around my body like a vine. I propelled myself forward, desperate to find something to do.

  ‘Come on, you’ve got this,’ I shouted out loud trying to convince myself.

  What a load of rubbish.

  I made my way out onto the balcony, leaving behind the air-conditioned cabin, and stepped into the warm Italian air. Leaning my elbows onto the polished metal bar of the balustrade I listened to the waves lapping at the ship, quickly I realised everything was silent, we had completed docking and the engines were quiet. My heart shrivelled into itself just a little bit more as I realised the man I loved would probably no longer even be on the ship.

  The door knocked and I ignored the sound. I wasn’t ready to face anyone yet. I stared out to the port of Genoa wishing things were different. Had they been, I would have gladly strolled around the city, holding onto the hand of the man I loved and taking in the views to sketch later. As it was I couldn’t face seeing the picturesque place, so I was going to stay put.

  ‘All alone.’

  A voice I barely recognised penetrated my forlorn thoughts and I spun around to see my cabin steward standing in the balcony doorway. He didn’t look as he had always done before. The normally happy, placating expression he wore so well as he had gone about his job, had been replaced by a cold, hard countenance. My sad feelings very quickly turned into fear.

  Something felt off. Very off.

  What was he doing here in my cabin?

  I hadn’t answered the door to him and I knew he had a pass key, but upon seeing me in here he should have checked it was OK to come in and if it wasn’t, he should have retreated.

  ‘No… I’m not. My husband is in the bathroom. What do you want?’

  ‘Bwahahaha.’ Manic laughter left his wide-open mouth. I looked, transfixed by the twinkling of a gold tooth in his mouth. ‘Y
our pretend husband has left the boat.’ He watched as he waited for his words to penetrate my fear. My throat felt thick and tight with rising fear and panic.

  ‘Who are you?’ I gripped the rail behind me.

  ‘My name is of no consequence, but my employers, the Antonescus, wanted me to pay you a visit… SIT DOWN.’

  I let go of the balcony with one hand and sat down on the edge of the settee. My head started to pound in my panic and my skin felt clammy inside my clothes as I began to run hideous scenarios around in my head, picturing all the things that he might be here to do to me.

  ‘What do you want with me?’

  ‘Want?’ He let his head fall back and a loud laugh left his mouth. It wasn’t a happy sound; it was blood curdling in its menace.

  ‘For days, I watched him touching you, like he was drugged… he couldn’t leave you alone. So perhaps I’m owed or want some of that.’ The corners of his mouth twisted into a cruel sneer.

  ‘He’ll kill you, if you touch what belongs to him.’

  My eyes stayed on him, too wary to leave. I wanted to make sure that I would see him coming for me, hoping I could react and defend myself.

  ‘If you were that precious, he would never have left you in the first place.’ He shifted slightly now blocking the entire doorway and he began to laugh again at my lies.

  ‘He’s going to be back any second, he hasn’t left me, I’m his wife.’ I thrust out my hand that wore the twisted bands John had given me only three days before. ‘When he gets back here he’ll tear you very slowly limb from limb.’

  He started to leisurely shake his head in ridicule. ‘You stupid bitch. I see the wedding bands. I even witnessed your very amateurish production of a wedding, but those rings… those don’t belong to you. You’re not his first wife, but perhaps he never told you that?’ He offered me a smarmy smile, I wish I had the strength to hit out at him and wipe it off his face. But I hadn’t.

  I had nothing more to throw at him. More hurt blossomed and bloomed in my chest as my mind ran through the memory of John undoing his shirt buttons, pulling the chain out and ripping it from his neck in one movement. I could see they meant a lot to him then as he had closed his eyes in acceptance and ran his finger fleetingly over them as they had rested for the first time against my skin.

  ‘Oh dear, you poor little slut… I can see he never shared that piece of information with you. Did he?’

  The bastard blocking my escape path appeared to know everything about us, he knew even more than I did. I refused to let go of the railing and gripped it ever tighter with my shaking hand. I fought with myself to not let go, thinking it may offer me a small amount of protection. What I wanted to do was to run my fingers over the rings that John had placed on my finger, just to see if by feeling them, I could work out who they truly belonged to.

  Comprehension hit me like a ton of bricks. I cared more about the rings being on my finger than I did about anything the man threatening my safety could do to me. They meant I was married to the man I had fallen in love with. For the first time in my life I belonged properly to someone.

  If I could turn back time I would get down on my knees and beg John to stay with me. The only problem was, it looked as if my time had run out. I swallowed a gulp as I watched the bastard standing over me pull out a fine leather shoelace from his pocket. He wrapped it around both of his fists and pulled it taut between his hands. My blood pressure raised and began to pound in my ears as I watched him pull the shoe lace ever tighter between his closed fists and then step towards me wearing a twisted smile on his face.

  Another twang of the shoelace broke my thoughts. One look in his eyes and I knew I was looking at the face of a seasoned killer, and one that very evidently enjoyed his job.

  ‘The look of fear in your eyes makes me so fucking hard, you’re a slut selling yourself to the highest bidder. Guess what, slut? I just became the highest fucking bidder. If you’re lucky, I may let you live… maybe not. I’ll make this easy on you though, bitch. I’ll suffocate you until you very nearly lose consciousness, so that when I take you, you can still feel me but won’t have the breath to scream with, not out loud at least. But inside your head you’ll be fucking screaming and I’ll be able to see that in your eyes. That will give me such immense pleasure. Seeing the terror in your eyes will get me off, Jasmin. I’m looking forward to feeling your tight pussy, Jasmin, but I’m more excited at the thought of watching the terror flicker in your eyes.’ His face took on an odd almost waxy sheen as his pores sweated in his depraved excitement. The friendly look I had seen on him for days evaporated before my eyes, he took on the look of a sadistic human being. His tongue flicked out quickly over his lips, reminding me of a snake.

  He took a further step towards me and God help me, I recoiled further into the solid furniture until I realised I couldn’t retreat away from him anymore. I’d always thought that if this ever happened to me I would fight back. If anyone dared to treat me like this, I would mark them and cause them so much pain, they would never forget that they bit off more than they could chew by trying to physically violate me. Hearing Bella’s story and having thought about it over the years I had almost convinced myself that I would do better if I ever found myself in the same situation. Better than my poor little sister had done, as a fifteen-year-old child.

  But the truth was, I was frozen in terror. I couldn’t do any of those things I’d stupidly promised myself in my misperception. I only had two thoughts.

  Please keep my family safe.

  John, please help me.

  Earlier

  I pulled my clothes out quickly from everywhere, as I stomped around the room in my haste to escape the pain that was rising from my gut. My OCD was having a full-on panic attack as I rolled up my clothes and shoved them into my cases. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. I glanced quickly over to the closed bathroom door and then forced my eyes away. This brought up so many reminders of my past, a past I tried not to think of, as it made me feel fucking sick with grief. The last time I saw my mama I was packing to leave her, could this be the last time I ever saw Jasmin?

  I looked back at my untidy case, I had never packed like this, this is what that woman had done to me. I was angry, or was it hurt that I was feeling. I couldn’t take a second look at the crumpled material of my expensive clothes in the cases, I knew it would affect me, but not as much as she had just affected me and was still affecting me. Instead I looked around the cabin we had been so happy in.

  ‘Jesus H Christ,’ I swore through gritted teeth.

  I thought I could read her.

  I thought for the first time in a long time I had a connection with someone.

  I thought I could feel someone. I thought I could feel her.

  I thought I saw her and I thought I recognised her.

  The terrifying thought was that I could so easily have fallen in love with her.

  The last couple of days were something I hadn’t experienced in a long time. She had seemed to accept me, all of me, and I knew I wasn’t an easy son of a bitch to accept.

  The woman who had just shot me down in flames was like nothing I had recognised Jasmin to be. I couldn’t work it out, it was beyond all comprehension. That was the biggest pain clawing its way up from my gut.

  I flung the last of my things into the case and zipped it shut. I needed to get on with the job at hand. Later I would think on it, go over the details and pull out all the evidence.

  But even as I prepared to walk away I still felt it, really… really... felt it. She was mine. I sensed it deep down, but then I never had been good with feelings so perhaps I had read the fucking situation wrong.

  Anger started to follow my pain.

  The anger I was allowing to course around my system had no place inside me. I had a job to do and I was going to do it with every piece of professionalism I had.

  I shrugged my shoulders into my navy suit jacket, the gun holster had been adjusted and the jacket now fitted like a g
love. I took in my appearance in the mirror, not allowing my mind to wander to the other views I had recently seen in the same mirror and I shook my head to free my mind of the other thoughts that were threatening to engulf me.

  I checked my appearance once again. My hair was in place. I could see the stress tic I hadn’t seen since a teenager, flicking just beneath my right eye. The only other thing wrong was the amount of stubble I had on my face, Jasmin had liked it and for once, with her by my side, I had let my normally fastidious routines slip. I shook out the legs on my suit trousers, willing them to fall into place. I would deal with everything else later.

  I took one more look around the room, picked up my things and left, letting the door slam behind me. Still talking to her in my own way and letting her know she was now safe to come out from her hiding place.

  As I made my way down the corridor I slowly began to feel more at ease, as I stepped back into the persona that had taken me years to perfect. I nodded at our cabin steward as we crossed paths.

  Pushing myself into the already full cabin that Brent and the team shared, I saw them give my cases the once over. I put them down in the far corner and returned the questioning looks I was being given with a deep frown saying “try me.” It worked, they all quickly removed their eyes and got back to their business.

  ‘Right, let’s get on with it. How long until the Carabinieri arrive?’ I shot the direct question to Brent as I planted my backside on the edge of the tall chest of drawers to one side of me. I stretched my legs out in front and crossed them at the ankles. I placed my hands behind me onto the edge of the unit and allowed my fingernails to dig into the wood.