Irrevocable (Fated series (can be read as a standalone) Book 3) Page 16

  ‘It’s OK, I’m here now. I got that so wrong. I can’t believe that my incompetence led to you being hurt. I’m so, so sorry, Jasmin.’

  ‘How did you know to come back?’ I quietly asked, lifting my fingers once again to my face and wincing slightly as they met the rough grazes there. I heard him release a small angry growl in the back of his throat.

  ‘I don’t know… I felt you.’ I watched him close and then open his eyes slowly. ‘Every hair on my body stood on end. My insides were knotted, I felt sick… I can’t explain how; feelings are not my strong point. I just knew you needed me. I put that together with the facts… the signs that had I been doing my fucking job properly, I would have seen all along. I should have read them a long time ago. You being left here at risk is my fault, I let my guard down, when my history tells me time and time again that I’m no good at associations. People are put in danger, because I don’t read the signals they give me…’ He stopped speaking then and started to shake his head in disbelief. ‘I think we need to face facts, as much as I want to be… I’m just no good for you, Jasmin.’

  All I could do was shake my head at him furiously, but he would no longer meet my gaze. Nothing coherent would form in my mouth, I was lost for words when I wanted to say so much. An air of foreboding began to descend in the cabin. His disappointment in himself was evident and my anger in my own shortcomings was weighing heavily on me.

  Once he had checked I was physically OK, apart from the grazing and cut on my face, John shrugged off his suit jacket and leather shoulder holster. He climbed onto the bed next to me, pulled me into his arms, tentatively at first and then with increasing pressure as he manipulated me, until the top half of my body was lying on his, with both of his strong arms wrapped around me. He held me in silence sharing his warmth, until my shaking began to subside and tears ran down my face, soaking into his clean white dress shirt.

  ‘Sorry,’ he uttered as he stroked his fingers through my hair and kissed the top of my head. I moved my head up slightly to catch his gaze with mine. His eyes met mine and then just as suddenly looked away.

  ‘Just what are you apologising for?’ Fear had me in its tight stifling grip, surely he wasn’t going to leave me again?

  ‘People seem to always get hurt when I deal with feelings that I don’t understand and not facts.’

  I tried hard to take in what he was saying. I could feel my face start to tighten as it pulled into a deep frown. I thought about the declaration I had just heard.

  ‘I’m not people! Enough! I’m your wife, that’s a fact! You told me you would try, that’s another fact. I need you to follow through on the promises you made to me. I don’t know what your history is, but we all have our own scars to bear. One of mine is people not keeping their promises to me. I think we should say that you were apologising for leaving me before, because I refuse to let you leave me again. You felt me… your words not mine. You may think you’re no good at recognising other “associate’s” feelings, but I’m not just another “associate”. Whatever the hell that means? My fear made the hair on your body stand on end and your stomach tie up in knots. You can feel me, John. Those are all FACTS! You need to recognise that this is different.’ I pushed up slightly and placed my hand over his frantically beating heart. ‘I know you can feel this is different and that’s another bloody fact.’

  A sigh of resignation left his beautiful lips and slowly his face let go of the anger previously situated there. The corners of his lips lifted and one of his most dazzling smiles started to appear.

  ‘I never left you, Sugar… you pushed me away. There’s a hell of a difference.’

  Placing my head back on his chest I thought about his answer. I ran my fingertips up and down the row of buttons on his chest, trying to ignore the few drops of blood, washed there by my own tears, on what was once a pristine white shirt.

  ‘I’m sorry, too. I’m good at pushing people away.’

  ‘Mmmm… That’s fine, we all make mistakes. But understand me when I say… I won’t ever allow you to push me away again.’

  ‘Back at ya,’ I whispered into the starched fabric of his shirt.

  We were disturbed then by a sharp knock on the already open door of the cabin, as the doctor and my parents made their way in. I could tell John didn’t want to share me with anyone else, including my panicked parents, but he was willing to do what he felt was necessary. When my dad had first arrived, I waited for him to lay into John, but after he took in John’s body language and the hurt written all over his face as the doctor examined my injuries, to my relief he left him alone.

  I was checked over and found to be OK. My face required cleaning and one Steri-strip to close the split to the corner of my eye. My parents fussed over me, trying to hide their own anguish at what had nearly happened to another of their precious daughters. Despite what I had been through I felt more emotionally grounded than I had for a long time.

  When we were eventually left alone again John took off his shirt, lay back down on the bed and wrapped me up tight in his arms. His masculine scent enveloped me and calmed me, erasing the smell of my attacker. Gradually the tension that had previously radiated from John disappeared and the man I had seen glimpses of earlier in the day, when we had been by ourselves, returned to me. I heard him inhale a deep breath.

  ‘I choose you, Jasmin. I claim you as mine.’ I could feel his heart pounding as he opened up his heart to me. My own heart felt full to nearly bursting as I grabbed hold of the strong forearms that were wrapped tightly around me and I rubbed my fingertips over the hair I found there.

  ‘What are you doing to me, John?’

  ‘I’m loving you, Sugar. For the first time in a very long time… I’m loving someone.’

  I felt shivers run up and down my spine at the realisation that finally, I had been chosen.

  I was chosen. I was loved by a man who I loved in return and I felt very nearly whole.

  We had lain in each other’s arms for a couple of hours, just caressing and holding each other.

  ‘We need to move cabins, Jasmin.’ His deep voice reverberated under my head.

  I wasn’t arguing. I didn’t want to have a beautiful suite at my disposal and not wish to be in it. I knew I would never go out onto that balcony again, it seemed that it was a good decision to “up sticks,” if it was possible.

  John moved us together, over to the side of the bed, so he could reach the cabin’s phone. After a few minutes spent talking to a voice on the other end I saw a smile spread over his lips.

  ‘Thank you for your help… yes, we’ll move right away. If you can just sort that out for us, I’d be very grateful.’ He replaced the phone in its cradle and explained what was happening.

  Much to my relief there was another suite available, it was on the same floor but over the opposite side of the ship. That meant the suite was the mirror image of the one I now wanted to erase from memory.

  I was carried to the new cabin. John was unable to not have me in his arms, much to the delight of fellow passengers who we passed in the hall. The sound of the ship’s engines made its way to my ears. I was pleased to be leaving Genoa behind, and with it the ugliness I had just been through.

  We were helped by my mum and dad, not that there was much to do, but they wanted to help in any way they could. The new suite was decorated in muted blues and pale greys. The change of colour scheme would also help me escape what had just happened. My mum had grinned at me as she helped me unpack my new clothes into the wardrobe. I sat on the pale grey settee, running my hands over the cord fabric, absentmindedly feeling the texture and watching as everyone around me moved us in. I was under doctor’s orders to rest and it appeared everyone was going to make sure I did just that.

  John unpacked his clothes and sent many to the on-board dry-cleaner, some of his suits were a creased mess. I had watched with a small smile at how the sight of them in that state once again upset his equilibrium. No one else noticed, but I took it in. The two
that were decent enough to hang, were spaced out with absolute precision on the hanging rail. The gentle roll of the ship had them moving ever so slightly. After inhaling deeply, he put them back into their starting positions, only to watch the roll of the ship countermand his correction. Eventually, he closed the wardrobe door with a small click, resigned to the fact that no amount of moving them was going to make them stay in place. Once the disobedient suits were out of his sight he had rolled his shoulders back, inhaled deeply and started to relax again. He lifted his head and his eyes made contact with mine. He knew I had been watching him and he offered me a small wry smile and a shrug of his shoulders. I watched as my husband, dressed in black shorts and an ice-blue polo, casually strolled the few steps over to me. My libido ramped up immediately as I took in the gorgeous sight in front of my eyes. The fact he was so large hid me from my mum and dad’s view, so thankfully they didn’t witness me lick my lips and cross my thighs tight together in appreciation of the sexy, dominant male in my view. He did though and he bent his head down to my neck and kissed me underneath my earlobe, letting the tip of his tongue lick tenderly up the shell of my ear.

  ‘Later, Sugar… when our guests have gone. I have to check in with Alex, he’ll want to know what happened.’ He proffered me a wink as he picked up his phone and guitar case, then made his way out onto our new balcony, pulling the sliding door shut behind him. I watched as the muscles in his arse flexed and contracted and allowed myself to think about pushing my nails deep into them as he pounded into me. I ran the pad of my thumb fleetingly over the broken remnants of my damaged nails, shuddering as I did so. I needed to find a nail file, I didn’t need the constant reminder from touching the rough pieces. I knew I would continue to touch them while they remained, like your tongue constantly worries an ulcer in your mouth, just because you know it’s there.

  ‘I told you he was worth your best heels, Jasmin. I’m so pleased for you both.’ My mum’s voice carried over to me from where she was positioned at the wardrobe. ‘In this vile situation, you have both found each other.’ My head snapped around at the sound of her voice and I tore my eyes away from John as a sudden bout of shyness hit me and I watched as her and my dad left the cabin, blowing me a kiss as she went.

  What a day!

  I made my way over to my bag and retrieved my mobile and nail file from the bottom of it. Scrolling through my contacts one handed, I found the one I was looking for and touched the green call icon. It rang a few times and while it did I watched John, sitting comfortably, lost in his own world as he lovingly held his old battered guitar, phone tucked away between his ear and shoulder as he spoke to Alex. As every muscle in his back contracted with his movements I longed to stroke them with my fingertips, but this was his way of having a little space with his own thoughts and feelings and I wasn’t going to take that from him.

  At last she answered. The only person I knew, who would know exactly how I felt about what had nearly happened to me today. Not that I was going to share it with her, she and Nathan were going through enough shit of their own without me adding to it, but I still wanted to hear her voice now more than ever. It would be left unspoken for now, but one day we would unite in our shared pain.

  ‘Bellaboo?’ I gently questioned as I plopped back down on the settee.

  ‘Yeah, sorry I was in the bathroom… how are you all?’

  ‘We’re all good, I would go so far as to say we are really enjoying the cruise now, the guys that John and the team were watching have been taken off the boat and arrested.’

  ‘Arrested? So, they really were something to do with the Antonescus?’

  ‘It seems that way.’

  ‘You can all go home now.’ I could hear the relief in her voice.

  ‘No way… we’re carrying on with the trip… everyone is enjoying it.’

  ‘Everyone?’ I could tell by the way she questioned me that she had latched on to the fact I was enjoying my newly-acquired role as a wife. I smiled as I carried on our conversation but watched the man I loved through the glass barrier. ‘Jassy?’ That one word was said with such a questioning tone I almost burst out laughing and God that felt good.

  ‘Well, let’s put it this way, John is now getting on my tits in more ways than one.’ I laughed out loud at my statement and once again needing a connection to him, I jumped up and walked across the room to our small dressing table, picked up his bottle of cologne and inhaled the comforting citrus smell.

  ‘I think I need deets,’ she almost whispered back to me in her shock.

  ‘No way am I giving you details… all I’ll say is he’s GOOD… I’m enjoying married life.’ I laughed again thinking about how I would never tell her about my submission to my very dominant husband, but those thoughts made my heart rate quicken and my core clench. ‘How’s it going with you guys?’ I quickly changed the subject.

  ‘We are really good, Jasmin. I’ve told him… he knows everything and he’s proud of me, Jassy! He’s bloody proud of me.’

  I heard her sigh and realised she was crying. Tears began to once more course silently down my face at what I had been through that day, but more importantly for what my baby sister had been though. She deserved happiness, she had spent too long building up barriers. Finally, it seemed she had let Nathan in, I hoped he could give her what she deserved, what we all deserve. Someone who loves us irrevocably and unconditionally.

  ‘He’s made me cry, when I promised myself I would never let him do that again.’

  ‘WHAT?’ Her last sentence had brought me back to earth with a bump.

  ‘No, it’s OK… I was talking aloud. Sorry, lovey, I need to go. I’m really happy for you! Enjoy yourself! And we will speak soon, OK?’

  ‘Yeah that’s fine… and you too. Keep safe, love you, bye.’

  With that she was gone. Placing my mobile back into my bag, I wiped the tears from my eyes. Drawn to the brooding figure on the balcony I delayed no further, I let my feet walk the short distance out to him. I needed the constant connection as much as I knew he did.

  John and I had decided we would disembark and stay in Rome for a few days. We both understood that we needed to spend some time together with no one else, to fully explore how we felt about each other. Personally, I’d never been a fan of “insta-love” and, as besotted as I was with him, I needed to prove to myself that everything I felt for him was real. I knew how he made me feel when I was with him, I just hoped what we had begun could now stand up against the reality check that was life.

  We had both comprehended that really, we hardly knew anything about each other. Normal relationships had the “getting to know you” part.

  Do you drink coffee or tea?

  If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

  What’s your favourite colour?

  We had skipped that completely. I appreciated there were things he should know about me and I also knew he had scars from his past, that I hoped he would eventually feel able to share. The revelation that I was possibly wearing his first wife’s wedding rings had played heavily on my heart, but when I touched them they felt like mine and only mine. Only time would tell if John would feel close enough to me, to let me in and tell me the truth. I didn’t see the point in interrogating him about it. Marriage required trust, I had to give him that at least, and I knew I needed to give him time.

  I stood on the balcony, leaning as far over as I could on my tip-toes, as the ship began to slowly make its way into what was to be our last port. Looking down briefly I saw my husband’s strong arms wrapped around my waist. I felt safe with John holding me and rolled my hand grip further forward around the railing, in order to try to see more in the dimming light. Sunset was coming, I could tell by the beautiful colours now collecting together in the sky, and I was desperate to see everything I could in the fading light. The view was not what I had expected it to be and at first I had been disappointed, until John had told me that Rome was further inland, and tomorrow we would see all the sites I had dream
ed of seeing since I was a small child pouring over my history books.

  After making sure John’s arms were tight enough around my waist, I pushed back against him again, allowing me the freedom to lean even further forward. I loved the feeling of being so close to him, my backside rubbed deliberately into his groin and his ever-growing cock. I was enjoying being able to be playful with him and at last it seemed he was beginning to relax and enjoy it too.

  ‘Jasmin.’ He said my name with a deep sigh and with an underlying warning, that I knew I was so going to ignore. A smile crossed my face as I leant forward just a little more. I knew I was pushing it as my toes began to slip and suddenly my heart leapt as I realised I was falling, but luckily it was backwards as I was pulled onto the waiting lap of my husband.

  I let out a loud girlish squeal.

  ‘Sugar, you are going to have to start learning to do as you’re told.’ I could hear the amusement in his voice. I placed my hands up high and around his neck, linking my fingers together on his warm skin at his nape. I pulled his head down to me and tried even harder to fit myself closer into his body. He enveloped me in one huge arm and his other hand came up to cup my chin, twisting my head around to the side so I could receive his lips as they pressed firmly down onto mine. The kiss said so much. It was a reprimand for pushing his buttons, it was a kiss of ownership, but mainly I liked to think it was a kiss of belief in us. He slowly lifted his lips from mine leaving a tingling sensation in his wake and kissed the top of my head as we watched our final port come ever closer.