Brody (Default Distraction Book 1) Page 14

  ‘At least let me take you to wherever the fuck you’re running off to… Get in.’

  ‘I can’t,’ I finally answered in a small voice. Then I looked down at my feet and knew as I heard him shift on the leather seat he had followed my gaze.

  A few seconds passed.

  The laughter that spontaneously forced itself out of him was therapeutic and it almost cleansed us both completely of the awkward situation enveloping us. Once his laughter had faded away, his anger once again permeated the air and I looked away. The car door slammed and I knew he had jumped out to rescue me once again.

  I didn’t lift my eyes away from my feet until I saw his unlaced brown boots in front of where I was struggling to maintain balance. Then, as his hands found my elbows to steady me, I let my eyes travel up the worn, light blue jeans he had pulled on and then over the grey T-shirt that was stretched magnificently over the wide expanse of his chest.

  ‘I’m beginning to think you’re cursed in some way, Amy.’

  ‘It’s probable,’ I replied with a sad resignation.

  ‘Come on.’ In one swift movement, I was grasped by the waist and hoisted once again over his left shoulder. This time I didn’t question what he was doing. As he walked the few steps over to his waiting vehicle I watched as in front of my eyes the muscles in his backside flexed in his well-fitting jeans, all the time fighting with myself not to touch.

  To my dismay, the view in front of my eyes was gone as quickly as it had appeared. I heard the click of the door as he opened the passenger side and I was unceremoniously dumped on my arse on the warmth of his heated seat. My coat was falling off me and my dirty dress was twisted to the side and much higher up my thighs than I wanted. I looked down and saw the exposed lace at the top of my thigh highs. I knew I was sans knickers, as in my hurry this morning, when I had woken up with panic clawing at my throat, I hadn’t been able to turn on the light in the bathroom to look for them. I hadn’t wanted to risk waking the gorgeous man by my side.

  He slammed the door on me, taking out his anger and frustration on his prized possession. I watched him turn and walk back towards the stuck shoe. I quickly pulled the dress down as far as it would go, to cover up my shame.

  ‘Don’t worry, just leave it,’ I called through the open window as I righted myself. I had no idea why. It was a typically English thing to say. I mean who in their right mind leaves one of their most expensive shoes in a pile of ice and snow?

  Ignoring me completely, Daniel crouched down on his haunches and picked up the black shoe, shaking and banging it against his palm until it emptied. From the same crouched position, he turned his head when he heard my voice, to stare at me in question, his eyes once again meeting mine. I hardly knew him, but I could sense by his posture just how angry he was, his body was bristling as he fought to contain just how pissed off he was with me.

  I had felt ashamed as I walked down the driveway earlier, but that was nothing to the way his look made me feel right now. He didn’t have to say a word. I felt my shame and his hurt, deep down inside.

  Slowly he stood to his full height. He made his way around from the grass verge to the driver side still holding my eyes captive with his. In a swift movement, he jumped up into the car and slammed his door. His hand passed me over my sodden shoe. I took it from him and watched as his fingers found the switch to close my window, effectively closing us into the fraught space of the car.

  ‘I don’t know what to say,’ I spoke, trying to break through the heavy atmosphere as I looked down to my lap and to the wet shoe I was turning over in both hands. I started to physically shiver as my body started to warm up, or was it because of the feelings between us?

  I didn’t look up at him again, but I knew he was staring at me. I could feel the thick tension in the small space. The chemistry was once again ramping up between us, even with his anger and my stupidity. As a deep sigh left his mouth, he turned his body to face mine. In the edge of my peripheral view, I saw him bend his left leg at the knee and lean it against the centre console, as he repositioned his body. I knew he wasn’t going to move the car until I faced him. I couldn’t look away any longer, so I lifted my head and turned it slowly to fully take in the man who had come out in the cold to find me.

  He had obviously woken up and finding I wasn’t there, had left in a hurry. His hair was still mussed from sleeping and he had grabbed any clothing to hand, but it was once again his eyes that reeled me in. They looked angry, but most of all they looked pained. His tic on his cheek was spasmodically twitching as he tried to work out exactly what he wanted to say to me.

  ‘Please say something, say anything. Shout at me, swear if you have to.’

  ‘Shout? Swear? Will that make me feel better, Amy, or you?’ His right palm smashed down onto the steering wheel, making me jump. ‘I’m not sure what the fucking hell to say to you.’ His voice was deep and controlled, although I could hear a hint of exasperation. ‘I thought we’d gone over this last night?’ His eyes questioned me. ‘If you’d wanted to go home, after we’d fucked, all you had to do was say. I would have taken you. I wouldn’t have wanted to, but fuck, I would’ve taken you.’

  ‘I know.’ My voice was small, as I took in how much I’d hurt him.

  He rubbed his hands over his face as he tried to work out who I was. Silently, I wished him good luck. Even in thirty-three years, I hadn’t been able to work it out. ‘I’m confused, Amy, when we’re together you’re with me in every fucking way possible. When we touch, the chemistry between us is off the fucking rails. Do you agree? Or have I got this so far fucking wrong that I’m delusional?’

  ‘No, you’re right, everything you’ve said is right.’

  ‘Then why do you wake the fuck up every goddamn morning and instead of cuddling further into me and sharing all the wonderful, awesome possibilities of being alive and together in each other’s arms, do you panic and go with your first instinct and try to run as far away as possible?’

  I looked at him in that moment, really looked at him. For all his obvious confidence, knicker-melting good looks, and money, he was equally as scarred by life as me.

  He was as damaged as I was.

  For opening up just that little bit to me and exposing his vulnerability, he deserved something in return. I wasn’t sure what to say that would make him feel any better, but I wanted to try. As much as being with him frightened me, I realised that being without him terrified me even more. I didn’t want to hurt him as his past clearly had. The only people in my life to ever fight for me before were my friends and my nan, but Daniel was here and fighting for a chance to be with me.

  ‘I like you, Daniel. For the first time in a very long time, I want more. But with what’s happened in my past and the way my life is just now, I’m just not sure I’m cut out for a relationship. When I’m with you, I want to be with you so much it scares me.’

  ‘What the fuck did I do to scare you away?’ His voice was once again pained as he questioned me.

  ‘You didn’t do anything, it’s not your fault.’ I stopped for a few seconds, mulling over just how much I wanted to expose to the man sat next to me. ‘Me leaving in the morning is to protect myself.’

  ‘At fucking last,’ he added to our emotional conversation, a smile twitched at the corners of his mouth.

  ‘What do you mean, at last?’

  ‘I wanted you to admit that you were running from yourself. I saw it in you, because for most of my life I’ve been doing the same fucking thing.’

  ‘Why?’

  He exhaled deeply, shook his head and banged his open palm down on the steering wheel. ‘Because I was dealt a fucked-up hand in my childhood. It’s taken me too many fucking years to be able to stand being in my own company. I’ll tell you about it sometime.’

  ‘Oh.’ The word was pathetic, it wasn’t a lot to answer him with, but I had to add something to the conversation. So, that was how he saw through my façade. It takes one to know one, ran through my head.

>   ‘Look, I know this is intense between us. Hell, it’s far too fucking fast to feel this…’ for a moment he stopped to think, ‘… this way.’

  I felt my eyes opening wider at his words. His warm hand came over the console and after throwing the wet shoe he found in my lap to the floor, he grasped both of my hands in his one. His thumb casually rubbed over my hand offering me comfort, as the tide of emotions swirled around us.

  ‘Amy, do you at least want to try? I know that I fucking do and believe me I only normally want to be with a woman for the sexual release, I don’t do relationships. Do you like enough of what you’ve seen and found with me in the last few days to give it a go?’ His stare was intense to say the least, as if he was trying to show just how much this meant to him. ‘What I’m really asking is, do you want to try the relationship thing with me?’ For all his normal confidence and maturity, he sounded like a young man asking a girl out for the very first time.

  I sucked in my cheek and bit down, teasing the soft flesh I found there. One of my hands left the confines of his, it came up to twiddle with a piece of my hair and curl it around my index finger. My heart was shouting inside of me to be heard, and for one of the first times ever my brain engaged and listened.

  ‘I do,’ I whispered.

  Momentarily he shook his head and then he laughed out loud. The deep warming sound filled me up. At last the shivering that had overtaken me finally relented. ‘That wasn’t something I ever thought I’d want to hear from a woman in any fucking context, but here and now, from you. I’m fucking ecstatic to hear it.’ His lopsided grin spread over his relieved face.

  He physically relaxed in front of my eyes, sinking further into the leather upholstery. His hand moved up and took mine away from fidgeting with my hair, he lifted it to his mouth and turned it over to place a gentle kiss on my exposed wrist. Every nerve ending I had sparked to life and the sparks travelled straight down to my sex. I blinked slowly and clenched my core muscles, trying to alleviate the feelings he pulled out of me with that simple show of affection, or was it ownership? I wasn’t sure, but either of them were fine with me.

  ‘Okay, that’s good, Miss. Harper. I wasn’t prepared to accept any other answer, anyway.’ His eyes met mine as he looked up from my wrist. He winked at me, then twisted his body back around and placed my hand down to rest on his thigh.

  I laughed back at him as the car came to life when he placed his foot on the accelerator.

  ‘So…’ He spoke as his car began to once again travel down the driveway.

  I looked back up at him, tearing my eyes away from my hand on his thigh.

  ‘So?’ I questioned.

  ‘It seems that you and me, beautiful, are officially in a relationship.’

  My heart skipped a beat at the words, beautiful and relationship. I grinned back at him.

  ‘Prepare to be swept off your fucking feet. I need you in my life and I know that you need me just as much in yours. I’m pulling out all the fucking stops. I dare you not to fall in love with me, Amy’

  He watched as his words resonated inside me and then he turned back to concentrate on the driveway in front of us, leaving me still staring at the gorgeous man next to me. I knew deep down that if he carried on the way he was going I would be there sooner than either of us needed.

  I made my way, as fast as my heels would allow me to go, up the wrought iron staircase. At the top I turned to give Daniel a wave before he pulled out of the carpark. He had pulled on his beanie and his sunglasses, while he had watched me climbing the stairs. My stomach somersaulted as he two-finger saluted at me and then with the same two fingers he blew me a kiss. His large car began to pull away and I made myself go into my room and not stay there to watch the red of his tail lights disappear.

  The tearooms were closed today as they always were on a Monday and I was going to have a much-needed day off and take the time to sleep. With the door locked behind me, I hung my coat up, stripped out of my clothes, and dropped them to the floor where I stood. Lauren’s sick-spattered dress would need dry cleaning anyway.

  On the way to the shower I switched on the digital radio and began to hum to the tune that immediately started playing.

  The shower was refreshing and just what I needed. I spent the longest time in there under the strong spray of water. However, it wasn’t without its problems. I had soaped up my body in the same methodical way I had done for years, but for the first time ever, every piece of skin on my body reacted to my own touch, as though it was crying out to feel Daniel’s caress. I allowed my hands to run over my needy skin a few times and remembered once again what it felt like to be in his arms. I knew that I could have quite easily made myself come, but I wanted to save myself for his touch only. I stepped out, listening once again to the radio and sung along with the song. The coarseness of the towel as I rubbed myself dry was a welcome diversion.

  I stepped out into the bedroom and walked around to the oak wash stand, rubbing the towel over my wet hair. Holding onto the ceramic knob I pulled open the drawer and found just what I needed, a thick pair of Tartan pyjamas. I dressed in their warmth quickly, without undoing any buttons. As my head appeared out of the neckline, a piece of paper hanging from the letterbox caught my eye. I finished dressing, pulled out the paper and sat down on the bed to read the words.

  I know you eat lunch (unlike breakfast and dinner) and I know where to find you.

  I’ll be back to pick you up at 1pm.

  We’re going on a picnic.

  Wrap up warm.

  I ran my eyes over the words, twice. I couldn’t believe he had already been back to post the piece of paper.

  He’s coming back, today?

  Despite only a few minutes ago feeling like I could comprehensively sleep for a week, I jumped up off the bed and ran to retrieve my phone from my coat pocket. Checking the time, I realised I had five hours. I had plenty of time. Feelings of excitement ran through me, followed quickly by nausea.

  Am I really going to do this?

  Yes… I really am.

  The red icon on my green message box, indicating I had six messages, caught my eye. I opened them all quickly, to find that Winter and Lauren had been messaging me on and off since this morning.

  “Where are you?” was repeated several times over.

  I sent them a quick “All okay. I’m back at the tearooms, speak to you later.” Then I set my old and often unreliable phone hopefully to silent, knowing they were bound to come back with more questions. I knew what those questions would probably be about and, not quite knowing all the answers myself, I took the easy way out. But I was still annoyed that they’d left me drunk on a settee, so I would catch up with them later.

  I turned off the radio, set the alarm on the clock on the bedside table, jumped into bed and pressed the button to the side of me. Motorised blinds closed instantaneously on the four skylights above, and as the room fell into darkness I immediately fell into a deep sleep.

  I hadn’t felt this fucking excited since the double D’s first got to the top of the U.S. charts, and that was a lifetime ago.

  So much had fucking happened between then and now.

  I was sick of drowning in remorse, she made me want to climb out of the dark pit I had built myself. She made me want to live and that realisation was everything.

  I’d pulled away from the tearoom earlier and began the short drive back to my bed. My brain had been on overdrive wondering where the hell I was going to take out the first woman I had ever had a relationship with. The same fucking woman who had consumed my every waking minute since I’d first seen her in her nan’s old shop. I’d been to meetings, had important phone calls, and written down the basics for three different fucking songs in the last few days, and not for more than five fucking minutes had she left the forefront of my mind. The three songs I had the basics of were all love songs, I’d written four for the band before over all the years we’d been together, but now I’d scribbled down three in the last three days
, it was fucking crazy.

  Suddenly, all the words in my head were about her.

  A building off to the right, through the tall trees and far away from the main drag of the drive, caught my eye. The sun was low in the sky and was shining on the windows of the building. Having never even noticed it before, I pulled over to investigate. After freezing my nuts off running for about a mile over the snow and ice covered garden, I found it was better than I could have imagined. Peering through the windows like a fucking kid staring into a sweet shop, I’d discovered it was just what I needed for today. I drove quickly straight back to the tearoom and pushed the piece of paper through the letterbox. I’d seen the English equivalent of an American mailbox the first time she had run away from me, when I’d stared hard at the door just willing her to walk back through it.

  It took me an hour to track down the key to the building I had found out was called Lake View. I’d enlisted a few of the staff from The Manor to do some extra cleaning and made sure that they would light the large open fireplace in the main room. I knew the place was going to be absolutely fucking perfect. I wanted time with her where we could get to know each other and luckily for me, it was also away from any audience.

  I was now back in the kitchen and filling up a wicker basket thing that one of the kitchen staff had found for me, with different foods I wanted to treat her to.

  ‘Well, look what the fucking cat dragged in.’ I heard Raff’s voice behind me and smiled. ‘If it isn’t Daniel.’

  I swallowed, placed the knife I had been cutting bread with slowly down onto the board, and turned towards my accuser and his implied accusation. I leant my jean-covered ass down onto the polished metal preparation area and sighing in acceptance, I crossed my arms across my chest.